Tuesday, June 19, 2007

slacker no more

ok, yeah. im a freeking slacker. you can all beat me later.

today i went to my grandpas funeral and honestly was one of the hardest days of my life.
my grandpa is a very independent guy and wouldn't ever think of anyone doing his work for him. he loved to be out in his garden and absolutely loved to mow his lawn.
his health had been failing him more and more over these past few years, after fighting a battle with cancer for the past 16 years.
a month ago we were helping him plant potatoes in his beloved garden and my grandma asked me if i would mow the lawn, my grandpa being too ashamed that he could not do it himself anymore. i said of coarse, like i always do when she asked for help, and my grandpa and i walked to the garage.
there he handed over the last thing that he had clung to. he handed over his very favorite thing in the world. to me.
on fathers day we went over to his house, because we had planned to leave for Disneyland Wednesday morning. we all wrote him notes for fathers day because he didn't really need anything else. as we looked at him, not knowing how long he had left to live, we couldn't help but cry thinking about how much unbearable pain he has been in for so long.
they stayed inside, but i went out to the garden. where i had gotten to know my grandpa. where he taught me how to work. there i sat, on the fence, and cried like a little baby.
my grandma asked me to drive behind the hurse on my grandpas pride and joy. his john deere tractor. i was fine doing it, but after when i put it back in the garage i lost it. this is where you have to realize that my grandpa lived for his yard and garden and that tractor was his legs in recent years. so that tractor was as apart of my grandpa, as my actual grandpa was. as i shut the garage door i vocally said good bye to my grandpa and told him that i loved him. and walked back to the truck.

so yeah, you wanted me to blog. so there it is. there's what I've been dealing with these past few weeks.

thank you all so very much for always being there for me. i love you all

with infinite love for all of you,
ty ty

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ugh. Well Im glad that Ive apparently helped you through this. And another thought... I told you that it was April 29th that you had last blogged.

I love you so much and I promise... things will get better.

Your {and Yours only} Randalynn

Britta Nystul said...

I'm so sorry about your grandpa Tyler. Take comfort in knowing he's in a better place now.
I love you Tyler! You're my soul mate and one of my best friends, and I know you'll always be there for me, just like I'll always be here for you. :)

Jennifer said...

you know what's crazy? when i read this it reminded me soo much of exactly what it felt like when my grandma died. i love you and hope you feel amazing soon.

Collin said...

Ty Ty

I myself lost my grandpa about a year and a half ago. My grandpa had a disease for 13 years before he passed away. so i never really got to know him without that. Unlike my older cousins i never got to run around with my grandpa and play games and learn to play basketball. but one thing i did get from him was all his wonderful stories that i have carried with me. I was really close to my grandpa like you were close to yours. He told me when i was very young about him being the captain of his basketball team and him leading them to a championship. This was one of his most greatest joys. I promised my grandfather when i was about 5 that i too would become the captain of my high school basketball team and i would lead my team to a state championship. (thats why i'm not playing football).

My grandpa before he died wrote ME a letter. This is my most prized possesion. I read it every night before i go to sleep and i too cry like a little baby and cry myself to sleep.

I share this with you because i haven't shared it with very many people before but i just want you to know that i do know what you are going through right now and i promise it will get better. I always here for you!! you have a girlfriend i know but i always have a shoulder for you to cry on!

I love ya like my brother tyler and from what you have said about your grandpa he seems like a great man and i know you will be just like him when you get older!!!

With much love
Collin